Husband-wife funny jokes and SMS

Husband-wife funny jokes and SMS

What is the difference between wife & saali?

Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,

Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,

Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,

Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,

Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,

Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake…:p

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Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked”Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?”
Wife:”Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!”
Husband:”Bakri se hi poch raha hon”

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Difference between Friend & Wife

U can Tell ur Friend
“U r my Best Friend”

But

Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
“U r my Best Wife

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Patni maike jake pati ko roz phone kyon karti hai?
Kyon k pati ko yad rahe k musibat abhi tali nahi hai.

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Wife: Last night I saw a dream that you were buying jewelry for me.
Husband: Yes, I saw your dad paying the bill.

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Different between husband and gadha?

Husband gadha ban sakta hai, but gadha itna gadha nahi hota k husband ban jaye .

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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
The husband replied, “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice.”

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Question: What is the most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday?
Ans. Just forget it once and you will never forget it again.

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Wife: kash main newspaper hoti din bhar tumharay hathon me rehti
Husband: meri bhi yehi dua hai rab se, isi bahanay her roz nayi nahi to milti

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“Ghari aur biwi main kia farq hai?
ek bigarti hai to band hojati hai aur doosri bigarti hai to chaaloo hojati hai.”

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Wife: Suniye jab apne pehli bar mera ghoonghat uthaya tha to kesa mehsoos hoa tha?
Husband: Khuda ki kasam main mar jata agar Ayat-ul-Kursi yad na hoti..!!

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In newyork, a man was watching a movie at home
and suddenly shouts nooooooooooooo!! :'(
Don't go inside the church its a trap!!

Wife: what are u watching?

Man: our wedding DVD :p

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When A Married Man Says:
"I'll Think About It" ,
What He Really Means That,
He Doesn't Know His Wife's Opinion Yet... =P =D

Thought Going To PARIS Wid
WIFE Is Just Like

.

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....
Going To 5star Hotel Wid Ur
Own CHAPPATIS In Tiffin Box!..

Wife : Janu Batao Tum Mujhse Kitna Pyar Krtay Ho

Husband : Bahut Zyada
Wife : Phir B Kitna

Hsbnd : Itna K Dil Chah Raha Hai Tumhari Jesi 1 Aur Le Aaun..

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Position of a husband is just like a Split AC…
No matter how loud he is outdoor,
He is designed to remain silent indoor!  

Man: is there any medicine for long life?
Doctor: get married
man: will it help?
Doc: no, but it will avoid such thoughts

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Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli to Santa use ghur raha tha!

Wife romantic hokar:
Kuch karne ka irada hai kya?

Santa 2 thappad maar ke bola:
Mere garm pani se kyu nahayi!!

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Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli to Santa use ghur raha tha!

Wife romantic hokar:
Kuch karne ka irada hai kya?

Santa 2 thappad maar ke bola:
Mere garm pani se kyu nahayi!!

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Agar aadhi raat ko aapka dil kare aur biwi ka mood na ho
To
Biwi ko tang na kare
.
.
Khud uthkar apne hath se
.
.
.
Pani pee lein!!
Ek bar fir aapki soch ko salaam.

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When a married man says:
"I'll think about it" ,
What he really means that,
He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet... =p =d

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If men behave after marriage the way they do before it,
half the divorces won't take place..

On the other hand,

If women behave before marriage the way they do after it,
half the marriages won't take place ;)

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If you were my husband,
I would poison your coffee

If you were my wife
I would drink it.

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Im not feeling well..
Husband: Ohhoo I was thinking to go for a dinner!!
Wife: I was joking dear..
Husband: Me too,
Chal uth rotti bana shabas.

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A man to doctor:
Is there any medicine for long life..?
Doctor: Get married..!!
Man: Will it help ?
Doctor: No, but it will avoid such thoughts!!

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Husband to wife,
na kajre ki dhar,
na motiyo ki haar,
na koi kiya singar,
fir bi itni sundr ho..

Wife: Saaf-saaf bolo
make up ke liye paise nahi dunga.

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What is similarity between
SUN & WIFE..?

.

.

Very Simple..

Aap dono ki taraf ghoor kar nahi dekh sakte.

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Wife: Aaj koi aisi baat kaho,
ki main khush bhi ho jaau aur naraz bhi ho jaau
.
.
.
.
Husband: Tum meri zindgi ho,
aur Lanat hai aisi zindgi par.

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Wife: I am Pregnant.
Santa: Par main to england me tha
Wife: Aapki photo thi na
Santa: Ullu mat bana kamini photo to kamar tak hi thi..

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Husband texts to wife on cell..

"Hi,what r u doing Darling?"

Wife: I'm dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!

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A line written on a Husband's T shirt :
ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
OF THEM..:-P

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Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.

Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.

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Two Wise Advises for Married Peoples

Never laugh at your wife's choices...
(You are on of them...)

Never be Prouf of Your Choices...
(Your Wife is one of them...)

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What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum(wife) ??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Both are sweet at the beginning
and
become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd...

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Wife on Mobile: kaha ho aap?

Pati: Tumhe wo jwellry shop yaad hai jaha tumhe 1 diamond ka set bahut pasand aya tha,
par mere pas paise nahi they.
aur maine wada kiya tha 1 din dilwaunga.

Wife: Khush hote huye.. Ha ha mjhe sab yaad hai.

Pati: Ha to usi shop ke baju wali shop pe baal katwa raha hu.

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Pappu Papa se Bola:
Papa shadi ke liye kitne paise chukane padte hai?

Papa: Pata nahi.
main to abhi tak chuka raha hu.

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Kidnapper phone par:
Teri biwi mere kabze mein hai.
saboot ke taur par uski do ungliyan bhijwa di hain.

Santa: Sabut pakka nahi hai, mundi bhej mundi..

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Couple agreed that whenever they want to have s*x they will say-
“Let’s make a phone call”

1 day The man sent his son to tel mom while she was busy in kitchen.
Son: Mom, dad is asking u to cm so he can make a phone call.
Mom: Go tel im out of coverage area.
Dad: Go tel ur mom that if she cant cm i will make d cal elsewhere.
Mom: Go tel ur dad if he does that i will open a call center here.

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Wife to husband: ek Sand saalme 300 bar s*x karta hai.
Tum iska adha bhi nahi krte.
Pati: ye kaha likha hai ke..
wo 300 bar ek hi cow ke sath karta hai.

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Gunehgaar kaun..??

PATI aur PATNI so rahe the.
Achaanak,
PATNI sapna dekh ke chillayi..
“bhago mera PATI aa gaya”
PATI utha aur khidki se kud gaya.

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Husband To Wife: Agr Meri Lotery Nikly To Tm Kya Kro Gi?
Wife: Me Aadi Raqam Le Kr Bhag Jaoun Gi,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Husband:100 Ki Nikli Hai Ye Lo 50 Or Dfa Ho Jao

Ladies ko petrol pump ke bahar kyu utar diya jata hai?
.
.
.
kyun ki
.
.
.
Petrol pump par likha hota hai
Aag lagane wali cheje bahar rakhe

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Wife: Mujhe kisi mehangi jaga le ke chaliye na ji
.
.
.
Husband: Chalo, tayyar ho jao.
.
.
.
.
.
Petrol pump chaltay hain.

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Whats Wife?
Wife langar ke parshad ke jaisi hoti hai,
Jis mein chahte huye bhi koi nukks nahi nikal sakte,
Shhradha aur majburi ke sath chup chaap khaye jao.

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Santa ki wife Tours & Travels magazine padhte huye:
Is baar 2nd honeymoon ke liye GREECE kaisa rahega?
Santa: Kyon?
TEL mein kya kharabi hai..!!

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Husband: Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it.
So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: Why 3?

Husband: 4u and your parents.