April 07, 2015
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I feel lazier than the guy who drew the Japanese flag.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.


When you’re good, you’re good, when you’re awesome you’re me.
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.


One day, I’m gonna make the onions cry.

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.